griot redux

overheard on the way to the computer lab

|: wait, didn't you want to suck on larry's nipples?
||: nigga, you couldn't pay me enough to suck on larry's nipples!
|: aw naw. don't make me start on that.

:: ate two-thirds of an entree sized tom yum chicken soup thing just now (for dinner). paired with the equivalent of three and half bowls of rice. am now THISFULL. at least i didn't waste the twelve bucks spent.

and still. i want another venti cap. only laziness is preventing me from that.

:: i rather like the akan standards of beauty. slender, shiny black skin, long languid limbs and delicate features. most importantly, they value flat profiles. i'd be worshipped there.

:: need to pee. all that soup.

:: it's totally understandable that some things are difficult to look at: images of suffering, wounded, distorted, emaciation, the killed and being killed, etcetra and the like. i know there are many people who don't like to see but, as per usual with my haphazard processing of info, it just never hit me that, really, it actually hurts people to see. my world centers around myself (what i do, feel, think, and how i decipher the crazy i encounter), and i've rarely been one to shy away from seeing. there's actually guilt in that most of the time i prefer an unfettered view into the suffering and the dying. the dead and wronged and abused and unfortunate. part of that is truly the traffic accident syndrome -- i'm endlessly fascinated with the ups and downs of humanity's character. what leads us to do what we have done to others, how we cope or fall under the weight of our own existence (overly melodramatic wording not intended, i've no clue to say what i want to say without resorting to the wordy). photojournalistic photos make me cry -- bourke-white's images of "freed" jews in auschwitz grind my mind to a halt every time. horrific wounds are not scary or even really disgusting...more, they are sad, sometimes utterly devasting, reminders of how low we stoop, how much we can hurt, how the idiosyncracies of this universe rule. its why i love photographs -- for its immediacy and ability to instantly convince the viewer of the reality it presents. if allowed, and if it wasn't so rude and disrespectful, i think i'd haunt all crash sites and concentration camps and cemetaries and battlefields. not to be all emo goth. but to get that other side of life i've always been isolated from.

another looooong ramble in which i've lost my initial point. what was i trying to say again? huh.