when you're crying out for help (okay, silently crying out for help), no one's tuning in. then, when you're somewhat trying to pick yourself up, they all barge in with iron fists and bone-crushing hugs -- all with the shoving ideas and opinions in your face. ideas and opinions that are, mind you, not ever really ideas and opinions anyway cuz god forbid you should ever even try stepping a tiptoe outta the boundaries they set.
ten years ago this all would've most definitely had me mouthing off the most expletive expletives and planning murderous plots of, well, murder. if i had the anger issues back then that i do now, wow, maybe some truly unforgivable things might have even been uttered. now...today? no less staunch but much more forgiving. that bit comes from all the self-examination i've been doing for the past five years. and yes, it took me a long fricken five years to get what most people seem to have gotten a handle on back in high school. but maybe at last i won't be, you know, completely bird-brained and lost.
they'll yell and scream and hug fierce. they probably always will. and that's fine. cuz when they do that, those are the moments when the loneliness retreats for a bit and i can bask in their loving insanity. that's my life.
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