siempre.

in the last legs of one muther-marfin' slow week. i think i'm seriously burnt out from work; worry and stress from dealing with folks and tasks has seeped into the subconscious, transformed into tense nightmares. is that so fricken pathetic or what? and god help me, i kinda sorta like this celine dion greatest hits cd now.

haven't been sleeping well. there's something wrong with my bed and my pillow. spent last night on the couch and wow, best sleep i've had in a while.

in the back of my mind i keep thinking that i'm over-anticipating comic-con. building it up so much but when it actually happens, there won't be much relaxation and enjoyment to be had. i really do over-stress events...reality is often more low-key than what my imagination wroughts, but dammit if my brain can't stop being paranoid over every little this and that.

literary dissection three years ago consisted of me bullshitting with psuedo-wise declarations on life and the human experience. what a difference drama makes. caught the end of the age of innocence sunday night...all of a sudden, level after deeper level of revelations appeared. it occurred to me that newland archer wasn't just someone who was stuck in the wrong era to be true to oneself -- that's the obvious, shallow literary interp most commonly expounded upon. i think the understatement of the movie is that no matter what one does or feels in their lifetime, the one thing people wish to have is understanding and acceptance of the choices they've made. a love without judgement if you will...something that's both difficult to find and difficult to give. time progresses but the human inclination to form opinions of their world is as prevalent today as it was yesterday. it's hard to step past your prejudice, particularly in societies such as ours that encourage independent thinking. i love that newland found peace within himself at the end...and that the peace comes not from hooking up with the lady love interest but from his wife's belief in his character despite knowing of his love for another. life is so not fair. i know that. and because unfairness is very much a part of life, i never feel the need to air my disgruntles out for the world to hear. stupid co-workers? family members playing favorites? that really is just a part of life, corny as it sounds. i don't mind the ups and downs. the only thing i want is understanding. just give me that. someone who knows where i come from, who i am, what i'm about...and believes in me anyway. easy to say, hard to truly feel.