have a massive headache spread around the anterior base of the skull and reaching towards the back of the ears....this muted incessant reminder that, my fuck, i am tired and my brain hurts. for a day in which the most assertive mood is that of please leave me alone and don't push the wrong buttons or i will bash your head in, there are surprisingly very clear-cut cravings and wants. whereas past moods per today's resulted in a lotta passe "eh whatevs will do", from morning till now it's been one after another of definite(s). i wanted something non-breakfasty tasting for breafast, i wanted to buy a book and that book must be cryptonomicron, i really craved some whip creamed topped rich drink from cbtl, etc. and so forth. which is funny because i have no clue what i'll be doing later tonight due to the indecision about the current psp arrangement. today's real and yet i don't seem to be here, mentally or physically. and even more interesting is the sense of freedom i feel after letting m know how her thinking me to be some ungrateful git (akin to dad no less) last night was incredibly stupid. annoyed, well more than annoyed actually, that she thinks that way (whatever possessed her to jump so fucking fast to that conclusion anyway?). her line of logic is so similar to my fellow chicagoans that it should be a steadfast rule for me to just shut up totally and don't bother. (not that i ever actually go through with that cuz, gee, how many times have i promised myself i'd follow through with it? heh.) i really don't think that i should have to tell someone so close to me (in blood, if not by emotional attachment) who i am without having to dispel their assumptions about me every single time. how's that for unfairness? the least they can do is ask and then make subsequent judgments instead of entering into one of those let's discuss your life philosophy discussions with preconceived ideas of who they know you must be like. in the other extreme, making polite conversation with people you're allegedly close to makes me sick. people, i don't have time to waste on that kinda shiz. i can think of so many other better things to do.

and totally unrelated is how, since last night, i've this urge to print out every single page i've changed in kirchman just because i booked a t/r. it's strange.