ON THE MISUSE AND INAPPRORIATE ASSIGNATION OF THE TERM "BOOB" AS A DEROGATORY ADJECTIVE:

a) what is a boob? a boob is a term used as an alternative slang reference for the female breast ("boobs", of course, being the slang term pluralfied when referring to more than one breast). from that, we further ask "what is a female breast?". literal definition aside (cuz honestly, if you don't know what a female breast is then you've got no business being alive in the first place), a descriptive summary of the female breast is inarguably "the bestest, cutest pointless lump(s) of flesh a woman can have even after breastfeeding your baby brats because it(they) can degenerate men into their primal slobbery selves and make butter." so, from all that, we can confidently apply a positive connotation to the term "boob."

b) BUT. if a boob means female breast, then the expression "you're such a boob" (usually intimating negativity) is sick, wrong, disgusting, and utterly disrespectful of the beauty of the boob. i mean hello, female breastsests (e.g. Boobs) are a Great Thing (tm) and calling anyone that is a compliment and not a slander. who would not want to be likened to the soft, malleable -- and yet resilient(!!) -- mounds of flesh that fill the palm of a hand...and, in the best cases, spill over in smooth rounded hills or peek out in between the fingers? oh my god, i need to get myself a job in the soft porn industry.

c) of course, as reality will have it, not all boobs have soft, rounded curves worthy of day-long stare-a-thons. there are plenty of saggy, hairy deflates hanging around (literally) that do not (and should not!) see the light of day...or even the light of a wee pen light. pruny boobs with dry flaky nips sure ain't a sight to behold either...unless we're talking about displaying them in a "Horrors on Earth" museum. have i grossed you out enough yet?

d) the point in making all those previous points is to Tell The World that the best way to utilize the term boob in a derogatory manner without disrespectin' the beauty that is Breast is to add a negative adjective before the word itself. for example, "you lumpy boob!" or "you leaky boob!" or "you granny boob!" allow you the fun and excitement of saying the word boob and calling someone a pg-13 epithet without implying that a boob be a bad thing. other phrases that come to mind include "you wrinkly boob!", "you flabby boob!", "you pimpled boob!", and the ever popular "you synthetically processed horse-meat boob!". see? all equally demeaning and yet so fun to say. nothing's impossible i tell you.

and how do i know that nothing's impossible? well, i came up with this retarded post about boobs didn't i? this started off with a seinfeldian point...i just lost my focus when i started writing soft porn. man i love me [boobs] too much.